remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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