Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
