Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
