Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
