My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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