pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
