It's Friday. Sex?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
