Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
