Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
