just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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