We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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