I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
