I am puke
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
