Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
