so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
