There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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