he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
