No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
