i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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