We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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