Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
