I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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