And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
