I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
organizing the empties. That sober.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
