this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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