Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
