I got chris browned last night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
