He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
