i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
