After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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