As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
