Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
