Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
