i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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