im six kinds of drunk right now
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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