I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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