TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
