I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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