If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
