I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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