im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
