I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
