I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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