I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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