it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
