i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
