I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this boner is exhausting
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
