I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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