my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
