I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
