I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
