A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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