I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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