If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
