I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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