I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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