I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wanna go halves on a baby?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize