Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
