Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
