he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
