I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
