Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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