you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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