When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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