it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
