i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
