last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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