Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Small penises have feelings too.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
