he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize