I am puke
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
