Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
