can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
