see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
